A Sense Of Belonging
Sunday, May 30, 2010
It would seem to me as I look back on my life that there were times where I was right where I was supposed to be, and couldn't be happier, and then there were other times where I was where I shouldn't be. My mind has been shifting around lately trying to figure out where it is that I belong. The classic Michael W Smith chorus sums it up well:Looking for a reason, roaming through this life to find my place in this world, my place in this world.
Not a lot to lean on, I need your light to help me find my place in this world, my place in this world.
The truth is that over the last six years of my life I have been trying to find out who I am, and at the end of those six years I still have no idea. As I have spoken to my friends about this I have found that this is not at all uncommon, but that many people feel long periods of this. The church I worked in in Saskatoon wasn't a great fit for me, and had some tough results, mostly of my own doing. The type of person it takes to work on the oil patch (long hours, mechanical nature, spending lots of time alone in a truck away from people) was the complete opposite of my nature and thus it didn't really fit either. Here in Thailand, I am again looking to make myself fit in (PGCE training to become full time teacher, ASA co-ordinator application, new culture) and am again asking myself....am I trying to make a square peg go through a round hole by doing all of this. Is this who I am? The truth is that I love Thailand and could easily see myself staying here for a long time, and coming home every summer or Christmas to see family and friends, who we do miss a lot. But Jazzy isn't excited about that prospect. And if we move back to Canada, again the question keeps coming up in my mind..."Where do I belong over there?"
By no means is this meant to give off the impression that I am depressed or dejected, because frankly, I am not. These are just the thoughts of a wandering soul over in Thailand looking into the future with some questions. Many people have them. Lots of people go from job to job, house to house, friends to friends, church to church, looking for their place in this world, and sometimes with minimal results. Spiritually speaking, my faith lets me know where I belong, but that isn't always a comfort for day to life as I know it should be. I think that is ONE of the reasons that I enjoyed "LOST" so much because it was a show that examined the lives of a group of people struggling to find out where they belonged. And there are times in my life where I have, and do, feel lost. And there have also been times where I have said to myself, "this is exactly where I should be." The trick I guess, as Paul said, is to "learn to be content in any situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in need or in want."
One of my friends students was wandering around the hallway a while ago when he was supposed to be in ICT class. When she saw him, she asked, "Sonnu, where are you supposed to be?" His answer...."I am here!" Perhaps that was a silly response for that time, but on a pragmatic level, perhaps is was quite deep. Maybe we shouldn't always be looking for tomorrow or next week, or next year. Perhaps the best way to look at life is in a mirror, rather than through a window. "Scott, where are you supposed to be?"
I am here.
