A Very Dangerous Feeling
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Today, I feel really discontent. I don't know if it is because I was quite sick with a bad cold yesterday and just have no energy, or because we have almost been out here for seven full weeks and have yet to receive a paycheck, but today my heart is longing for more. I have found in my life that discontentment is actually quite a dangerous feeling, because it forces me to spend a lot of energy focusing on the negatives aspects of my life rather than the positive. I hate having the "poor me" attitude, especially when I am in Thailand, and I am healthy and have a good job and good friends around me. However, for whatever reasons, today I feel quite discontent. My kids (students) seem especially rowdy today, and could care less that they all failed their spelling tests, and it just makes me want to give up on them. (I doubt very highly that I made my teachers feel this way ever when I was in school. Ya right!) Even the staff today seems unusually quiet and depressed. And its FRIDAY for goodness sake. We found out this week that some student in the secondary school has been diagnosed with H1N1 flu, and that the common cold seems to be going around. (I do feel quite better today by the way, and had no flu like symptoms, so I am sure I don't have the swine flu). I just feel discontent. I am staring out of the window of my classroom looking at this beautiful palm tree, and knowing there is a whole country out here that I have yet to explore, but I don't have the energy or the desire to do it right now. For those of you reading this, I would love for to leave a comment or two about what you to combat discontentment in your own life. I try to focus on the positive, and move on from there. It is friday, we do get paid in five days, there is basketball after school, and I am in Thailand having a great time and hanging out with good friends everyday. And that should be enough, really. But for some reason....
For me discontentment is often related to my spiritual life. I find I need to spend time in prayer (especially listening) sometimes confessing and often journaling my feelings . I then often need to spend tome making relations right( especially with Nancy)
then I go out and try to have some FUN- you know, to reconnect experientially with why it is that I am truly blessed.
I love you so much Scott and I am thinking of you today
Scott.
Thanks for your honesty in this post. I believe that no matter where we ARE in the world or how "great" life is "supposed" to be - it's not always wonderful. For we have been told that we experience trials and troubles during life.
When i'm feeling down, or as if my negativity is taking over, I try to get to the "real" reason behind my feelings. My feeling are usually not related to what I think is bugging me - but it goes much deeper than that. I usually ask myself, "where is this coming from? When have I felt this before?" Sometimes the answers come to me right away, with prayer. Other times it takes days and days for me to hear God speak the truth about where my negativity is coming from. Often, a particular event, word spoken, situation is a trigger for those deeper feelings that are difficult to get in touch with. Like the person said above - I also spend lots of time with God (listening) and asking Him to reveal where my negativity is coming from and when i've felt this "feeling" before.
It's pretty crazy what God can bring to the surface...if we just trust Him and let him in :)
Praying for you and Jazzy...sending much love to you from BC! XOXO
My son Scott,
When your children feel sad a mom feels sad.I want you to know how much I love you and I am just a earthly being. Think about how much more God feels for His children. That's why I can be at peace and trust you to Him even though you are half a world away. Remember Matth.11:28-30? We love you both and can't wait to see you. Momma and Pops
Thanks so much for the comments guys. Its been a good weekend, but I appreciate your love and prayers a ton. Hope you are all doing well!
By the way, it makes me so happy when you leave little comments on the blog...so thanks for that too!
Scott